Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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