She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We were destined to go to rehab together
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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