Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
