If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
