the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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