Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
