that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
