I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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