so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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