he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
