i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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