my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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