Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
