8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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