Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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