ugly people sure do ruin things
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
