It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
