I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
