I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
