Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
