so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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