if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
