I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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