Already got asked if we're dating
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
