Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
