This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
