NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
