Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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