allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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