he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
