Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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