life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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