South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
