No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
