"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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