Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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