I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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