He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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