im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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