I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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