So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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