My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
