i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
