apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
