dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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