one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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