the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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