I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
