remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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