Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
