ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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