I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
