ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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