So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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