I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
