At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
