you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
