it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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