my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
