Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
