call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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