In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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