I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
