Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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