literally had 100 drinks last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
