he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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