Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
