I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I stole a fireplace last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
