Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
