Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
