Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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