i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
