Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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