I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
