If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
