my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
