The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
