I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize