I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
