She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
