its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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