At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
