No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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