But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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