just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
