You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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