Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
