Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
