I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
