How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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