alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
