Don't make out with my wife yet
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize