i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
